I unveiled my blog a couple of days ago, and I'm pretty content with how it turned out. Several people DM'd me sharing their thoughts about what I have here so far. All of it positive, so that's good to hear. I know there are definitely some negative views on it, and most definitely people that disagree with me, I just wish that those people were willing to tell me, so I could be more aware. Criticism is what I need, cause I feel like I'm often surrounded by Yes-men.
I was thinking about overthinking the other day at work. Obviously since there's a lot of time to ponder at the dollar store, I'm always thinking and coming up with stuff. Most recently the blog unveil was a highlight for me so that was the focal point of my head. I began to overthink and wonder if there would be any negative repercussions of it. Did I release too much personal information that shouldn't have been said? Will the wrong person read this, and will I have to pay the consequences for it? Along those lines.
Not too long ago I was dropping facts on my friend, and I ended our conversation by apologizing for throwing so much at said person. I quote, "I think a lot. I tend to overthink things." When it comes to people, overthinking is a reflex for people that I care about. I know most of the time it comes off as weird and expected to the receiving person, but I feel like the things I say are important and that the things I say to others are what others need to hear. Overthinking leads to going overboard for people, and I care too much about the life of my friends that sometimes I have to go tryhard for them. Because the majority of the time, a regular effort isn't going to impact anything or turn heads. That's why I do the absolute most for others when it comes to instilling wisdom. Shoutout Colin Kaepernick.
Looking back at it now, I don't think there should've been any real reason for me to apologize. I think at that time, accessibility to my message was a priority, so I think that I apologized for having the other person have to take in so much. Because it was pretty personal and it was a very vulnerable moment. And in those vulnerable moments, you want to be as gentle as possible. Take into consideration the situation which both of you are in, collectively and separately, take into consideration love, if there's any love between both of you or for each other. In vulnerable moments like that, if you don't have important parameters like the ones mentioned established (and believe me, there are way more. I just mentioned like 3), you often won't be able to reach a consensus or come out of it feeling accomplished or feel positive coming out of it.
I wonder how that person is doing, I wonder if they're reading this right now. If you are and you know this is about you, I love you. There's not much more to say.
I feel like if they really cared, they would reach out to me and say something. I don't expect it, though. I'm not a big enough person in their life for them to do that. To be fair, I messaged them out of the blue - despite us not talking much - because I knew that they had to hear what I had to say. They were going through some pretty rough s**t and I had to let them know.
I don't want to come out of that last paragraph sounding like I want or expect any sort of gift or favor for what I do. I don't even think my "work" (I don't consider it "work", it's just lack of a better word. Maybe a better word is "time"...?) deserves to be rewarded. In those times, I do things out of love, with nothing expected in return. I don't show love to others cause I want them to love me back. Of course, no one would deny being loved back, but I do it cause I know that they need it.
I love love, because I love to love.
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