My phones been so dry lately, and I've come to enjoy it

Because I have nothing on my phone to check, I find myself bored and having no choice but to live real life.

As Mr. Sinclair would say, I guess that's a good problem to have.

-I'm sorry I couldn't be there at times

-I'm the unsung hero

-Money will change people

"Have you ever loved someone and never told them how you feel"

Edit: Sorry to whoever asked this, I've had this finished for a long time but I was a bit hesitant to release it. But I realized I really don't care

Hmm. Good question.

I feel that at some point I must have felt feelings 

I actually don't even know how to answer this question tbh. I mean, obviously I never told someone how I feel, it's that I'm unsure if I ever did love someone like that. Because I consider myself a somewhat bold and straightforward person. If I really had feelings for someone, I would've legitimately shot my shot asap and I would've let them know how I feel. That's what I'd want from a girl who likes me, at least. No one likes to have their time wasted, I'd rather she just tell me upfront what she wants/doesn't want, and if she even wants anything, you know what I mean? I've never been in a relationship though, so perhaps I'm not the most credible source when discussing my expectations for my future lover. 

Going back to past lovers though, I want to say I did love someone. I think. However (this upcoming statement is a recurring theme in my life), I was probably too focused on myself to even considering having a significant other. I make it sound like I regret that, and trust me, it's pretty annoying when I see all my high school / college friends flexing their ability to hop from bf/gf to another, while I haven't even thought about shooting my shot on anyone. However, I don't regret any of my prioritization decisions in the past. Struggles of self-love are something that I often dealt with, and if anything, I really cared about the people I was in love with by not burdening myself and my problems on them. A lot of love-desperate people tend to latch on to others for love, but real love can't work until you have real love for yourself first. 

I often say this, but I know I would be a terrible boyfriend. And that's for the sole reason that I'm too focused on myself, and what I'm trying to create personally. My creative visions and dreams are something that are super dear to me, and I know that if I had a girlfriend, I would most definitely prioritize myself and what I need first. And that's not what a good boyfriend should do, I acknowledge that. So I'd rather not break anyone's heart and stick to myself until I: 1. Learn to entirely love myself first, all my flaws 2. Complete everything that I want to do on my own.

A couple bars from Childish Gambino's "All The Shine" ring in my head: 

"You with a different girl like each and every fucking night
And kiss her while she’s sleeping and sneak out the front to catch a flight

That’s not life, dude
It's just making up for fucks I missed in high school"

As arrogant as this sounds, I know that if I really tried, I'd be able to pull at least one girl and maintain a very surface level relationship. She'd probably be a really basic girl, but what good would come out of that? I often see some of my friends bragging about hella guys being on them, or a dude's ability to get pretty much any girl he wants. To me, it's not attractive how many people you're able to pull. I don't see love as a game. Granted, I've never dated anyone, but I want anything I get myself into to be real. I don't want to waste my time, and that's why I'm willing to wait for when the time's right. I know I'll find the perfect girl when the moment's right, I'm never gonna go out of my way to find a girl just to have a girl. I'm not on Tinder or any of those dating sites. No disrespect to anyone who uses those though, I know some of y'all are just tryna f*ck and I get that. Do your thing cause y'all know what you're looking for. Remember consent though - get some before you get some. I don't know what I'm looking for at the moment, and to be honest, I don't even think I'm looking period.  

I'mma keep it real with y'all though. There are a lot of times where I want a girlfriend, just like someone to cuddle and intimately chill with! It's a natural human desire and I acknowledge that. Don't get it twisted though, I'm not on that horny sh*t lol. I'm often surrounded by and never talking to very beautiful, intelligent women that I sometimes think, "What if?" But they're often not serious thoughts. Because the last thing real girls in 2018 need is a 5'5 Indian boy in her DM's talking about how much he's in love with her. That's corny af, and I don't want to be seen as that. That's why I often try to establish myself as a real friend instead of a love interest. With all these guys trying to shoot their shots these days, many females don't have straight male real friends. Because often times those straight male real friends are just trying to get closer and closer out of that infamous friend zone. And it usually doesn't work.

My intentions are never to be a real friend just to get out of the friendzone. Shoutout Elisabeth, cause she taught me that you can have purely platonic relationships with friends. To any girl I have deep conversations with, yes, my desire is for you to go deeper into yourself and learn more about yourself through me (and likewise), but never perceive any of that as a tactic to get in your pants. I care more about the growth of the real friends around me than what I want in a relationship. That doesn't matter to me. (Hopefully this doesn't hurt any girls that thought I was in love with them. Sorry! Although, I don't have any female friends like that that would ever consider me as a significant other so fortunately this isn't a problem I have to deal with. I think.)

I know my girlfriend will be raw as hell though!
There will probably be a part 2 on this. But I say that about a lot of posts and they never happen lol.