Trying to find the balances (part 0)

Once my laptop is fixed, I'll go back to what I've been trying to say.

Anyone going to lollapalooza this year better go see brockhampton. Simple.

Some people should never grow up, cause they'll never be ready for it

People care too much about impressing others

I promise I will make you all proud.

I've put a lot of expectations on myself, and a lot of people are waiting for me to do something. At the same time, there are an equal number of people who don't give a f*ck about me, and/or don't want me to succeed.

I'm very close to something, I promise it will be worth it. I feel something big out of me, I just don't fully see it yet. It'll come with time, soon I know.

Fruition is in my intuition

These are the precious years: Part 1

Listening to mango by Choker right now as I write this on the blue line to UIC for some extra credit Archaeology Conference that I have to report about. Just so you get an idea where my head is at right now. Now I'm on brown steel by Choker.

I went to my friends opera yesterday, and it was a very interesting experience. I know nothing of opera, other than excellent breath support and singing ability is needed and showcased. The theater I went to was old as hell, but felt like a home I was never welcomed to. This definitely wasn't my element, but I can see several people thriving in that environment.

I don't know opera etiquette. To be honest I didn't even know there was one. No disrespect out here though, opera singers are very talented. Shoutout Figaro.

Anyways, pretty much the entire building was filled with old, white people spazzed out in suits and really expensive jackets. A lot of opulence and millions of stories to tell around me, stories that I will never hear or experience in my lifetime.

I just pulled up in a tan hoodie and a silver Columbia jacket (and yes, it was a women's jacket). I had my pureboosts on though, I never wear them so they're still in excellent condition. I save them for important occasions, or when I have to flex on people, or both.

The entire experience felt like a b-side from "Get Out". I was on the front row in the balcony, a $5 ticket, because I wasn't tryna drop $30 for a show I don't even care about. I only came because my friend was in it.

There were so many white people staring at me. I originally had a comma at the end of the latter sentence, but I had nothing else to say. There was nothing else to say.

From my peripheral vision I could see several old couples looking down at me (literally, and possibly figuratively. That interpretation is your call), smiling. They probably wondered why I was even there, which I don't entirely blame them for. My attire didn't exactly say "I'm here to attend an opera." My attire was more like "I'm tryna hoop up with my friends, look good at the same time, make music, and then have a photoshoot after."

You know when you're looking at someone, and then they look at you, and you try to look away in that 1-second time frame, avoiding eye contact? That happened a bunch of times with those people, whenever I turned out to stretch or look around.

I was also one seat away from the most polar opposite person of me that I've ever seen. He was this medium sized white kid with glasses, no real facial structure, with a plaid shirt and nice jeans. He seemed really insecure. He, too, came by himself, but he didn't look comfortable sitting by himself. Whenever anything happened, he was quick to react to it. For example, since we were on the balcony, some of headlights were shining behind us. When the light first came on, he turned around suddenly, trying to figure out where that light was coming from and who was operating it.

He was also eavesdropping on a conversation behind us, and this was a long story behind us so bear with me. Actually I don't even know if I'm gonna write the whole thing. I don't even know if I'm gonna finish this as a whole. I have to pee very bad, and I don't know when this trains gonna stop at where I need to be.

Yeah I'll finish this later, I need to change the title of this now because I didn't expect this to be multiple parts smh.

And people always talking but, you never seem to walk it off

I'm not in my feels I'm keeping it real

You tryna get the answers from the wrong guy

I'm only in competition with myself

timeline of the lifelines that I never used, I just wanted to die