Trying to find the balances (Part 1) - my laptop is back!

(I got PayPal by lilwaterbed on loop as I write all of this. Just so you get an idea of where my mind's at. The quality of the song does not correlate to the quality of my thoughts.)

6:06 pm-

What is balance? I often think about what that is, in its core. Apparently I've been trying to find the balances of life, like a lot of other people. I don't know what "balance" specifically is, so it's kind of hard for me to look for something that I don't entirely understand.

When initially in mind, I see it as when two opposite forces are of equal force, resulting in the situation to be at peace. I think the reason I get caught up is cause there are different levels of balance, and it's safe to say those are physical, mental, social, and spiritual. I'll go into my balances with them in separate posts - let's start with physical as that's the first, and least important in my opinion.

My physical state and balance isn't something I think about, not as much as the others at least. I'm currently 5'5 and like 140-145 lbs, I don't remember exactly. I've gained 5 lbs throughout my first year of college, and since it's about to end in a month it's safe to say I'm going to have to shed a couple lbs throughout the summer. The first time I heard about Freshman 15 was actually only like a month ago, I'd never heard of it before that. I guess that's a good thing, because if I did, knowing me that would've propelled me towards gaining weight. I'm weird like that, I guess. Although, I can't complain, 5 lbs is a lot better than 15. Not to mention, I commute to college, so my lifestyle didn't change as drastically as someone who dorms there would.

Why do girls call their bfs "daddy"? A random thought. I think it has to do with women craving a power figure, or wanted to be dominated or something.

update: just watched a total xanarchy review  and $1 bagel vs $1000 bagel, listening to nice for what now.

6:38 pm-

I plan on burning off the weight this summer. That'll include working out a lot and eating healthily, the latter will be a major change. Cause I love food. Assuming I get the job at Dollar Tree (I find out tomorrow), I'mma need to balance how I'm gonna work all of that out. (wish by trippie redd now, prob loop)

I don't really care about how my body looks. I care more about actual health and ability to perform physical tasks. I've never really had to worry about my body nor be insecure about it, because I've been skinny and 5'5 my whole life. I don't really care much about my height either. In fact, I'm very content with my height. I know I'll never be "zaddy" status to a lot of girls, and I know for sure that my height will be a turn off to a lot of girls and that alone will decrease my game, but I don't think too much on that. I know I can make a lot of moves regardless. Although, a hot pair of abs wouldn't hurt either haha. I know I can definitely get that.

I used to have a bunch of muscle my senior year of HS, solely because I took a strength and conditioning class there. My arm muscles were very defined and visible, you could see them fr. I naturally have good calves because of my genes, but they were even more defined because of that class (shoutout to the leg press). My favorite workout was the dumbbell rows. I could legit do that for the rest of my life, it was great. It's lowkey kind of depressing because I never have any time to workout or perform any sort of exercise during the current school year, because I'm always having to deal with financial aid or other cheese that occurs. Because of this, I've lost all of my muscle! Except for my calves because they were there prior.

Now my arms are just flab, it's really sad. When I flail them around they just jiggle now. When I flex, there's almost nothing there :/ Adrian told me that if you start working out then stop, your muscles become smaller than what they originally were before you started. So in a sense I'm even less fit now than when I was before I started working out.

It's okay, I know I'll balance it all out this summer, so physical balance is not a worry in my life, because it can easily be controlled.

Shoutout lilwaterbed, I'll base my next balance topic off an IG poll- I'll ask what's more important, Mental balance or Spiritual balance. I'd do mental balance vs social balance, but that's too easy, so I left social balance for later. Or, I could just have 2 polls- social vs mental, and mental vs spiritual. Writing your thoughts out helps you think.